You will never know

You will never be able to break this wall
You will never be able to undo that moment
That just managed to define your interest

You will never imagine the pain
You will never feel my ordeal
 And the reason why I still live in my shell 


And since you will never feel my loss
You will never know that behind those smiles
There are countless sleepless teary nights.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

....and then I paused

Today is one of those rare, very rare days when I do not care about if the maid has come or not (considering she did not come yesterday as well!), if the cushions are kept properly, if the kitchen tiles are clean or not, the clothes are washed or not.

Yes it might sound like I am lazying around. But no, that is not really the case. I was occupied with my thoughts. I wanted to pause life for a while and take stock of life.


I thought of people who were initially a substantial part of my life but are not there anymore.
I thought of people who left and came back.
I thought of people who were most important to me but who left me as their priorities were different.
I thought of people who I considered unimportant but with time they became a significant part of me.
I thought of people who made me cry and betrayed me.
I thought of people who made me laugh like mad.
I thought of people who never left me despite adversities.
I thought of people who changed me and made me what I am today.

So yes, today was a very productive day. Just that the outcome can not be defined in quantity. It can only be experienced. And I really believe sometimes it important to pause what you are doing and take stock of your life (even if it going absolutely fine). All it needs is sometime alone- with yourself.

It worked wonders for me today. It can be wonderful for you too!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

After the storm

A good friend asked me today the reason why I did not write anything for so long. One of Rishi's colleague also asked the same. Probably in some ways, I did touch people's life through these posts. With all humility, I accept the admiration for the blog. Little do people know that this blog was started to vent out my feelings. It was born out of pain. But that part is left for another post!

A sincere thanks to Rishi's colleague and my friend who cared enough to ask about my blog :))

This might sound a random but sometimes a havoc is needed. Sometimes it is important to see what is left after a storm or a flood.

Both these statements are inter-connected. Because, like after a storm or flood, only those things are left that are strong enough to survive the calamity. Similarly in life, the storm excludes the shallow people and brings a calming effect with the identification of true, genuine people and fulfilling relationships. These relationships are the strongest ones for they are able to survive the adversities of time.

Hold them, hug them. never let them go. Like never ever.

I know this and I speak from experience. Willla Silbert was right- 'There are some things you learn in calm, and some in storm'.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

My Hindi'ness'

There is this one thing that I find very hard to explain to people. And that is I CAN speak Hindi, and that it is my first language, like most of the delhiwallas. And just because I am mostly dressed in western clothes, it does not mean that I would have a problem understanding the language I am closest to.

I am very proud of the fact that I scored 0.1% CBSE merit certificate in Hindi A in my tenth standard. Oh yes, I mugged up the textbooks, but that is a different topic. Also, I find it easy to converse in English, but that is also a different topic. And yes, most of the books I read are also in English, but that again is a different topic.

What is amusing is that even shopkeepers assume that I can not understand Hindi. I remember Rishi and I had gone to a local grocery store. The shopkeeper was in a hurry to settle all the bills as there was a long queue. When our turn came I asked him, 'bhaiya, kitna hua?' He looked at me, then at Rishi and said, 'Madam, Three Hundred Forty Two Rupees only'. And I did notice that he was talking in Hindi to all the other customers before me.

Rishi had a wide grin, he has seen many such incidents in past four years. I paid him the bill but could not stop myself from saying, 'bhaiya, aapke teen sau bayalis rupaye'. The look on the shopkeeper's face can not be expressed in words!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Give me a God

Give me a God who is just and fair

Who might by invisible

But gives my answers. 

Bring me a God who knows my story

Who knows my hero and my villain 

And has a good memory. 

Bring me a God who sees it all

Who is neither slow nor late

And acts for one and all. 

Give me a God who is strong

Also impartial enough to tell 

Why someone's right became my wrong.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

His Words

What can I expect from you she asks
Honesty, Loyalty, Love and Care
He replies.
And she smiles for she understood the meaning of truth.

She thinks of him and his words
Long after he has gone
She lies awake
Trying to make the turbulence in her sleep.

His words are her blanket
Slowly she wraps them around herself
The inner turbulence has slept for now
But it will come back, she knows.

His words will shield her
Now that he is not around
Those words he uttered found way into her heart
And now keeps her alive, long after he has gone.

Perhaps that is what is love.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Ten Day Challenge. Post 10- One Picture

Today is the last day of the 10 Day YOU Challenge that was started here. Today is 'one picture' day.

Rishi clicked this picture in Neemrana on my birthday. It was symbolic in a way that I was looking at the sunset, pondering the year what went by and the future that was coming.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 9- Two Songs

Two songs today. It is impossible to choose list two favourite songs. But here are the first two that comes to my mind :)

1. Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jaana Sanam

I just love this song. Ever since I heard this song for the first time, it etched in my mind. This song is magic to me.

2. Only Time- Enya

Why I like this song? For the lyrics-

Who can say when the roads meet
That love might be in your heart
And who can say when when the day sleeps
If the night keeps all your heart. 

© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 8- Three Films

I am a typical movie buff. I watch almost all the movies, well almost. But unlike books, movies do not stay on with me, albeit some exceptions. And the exceptions come in today's post :)

1. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

The movie introduced me to the world of love and romance, with Shahrukh as the charming prince. Years later, the movie still gives me goosebumps but the Shahrukh craze has fizzled out.

2. Kill Bill

I really don't know how many times I have seen this one and its sequel. I am not too fond of action flicks but an action as brutal and beautiful as this can not be not liked and loved. 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'- is a philosophy that I try to live by, not been successful, though ;)

3. Pearl Harbor

I  know many of you would be surprised to read this. But for the sheer friendship and love, this movie stayed on with me.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 7- Four Books

I think there is a lot in life that you can learn from books and this is one thing I learned from reading books!

1. Tuesdays with Morrie

There are some books that stays on with you when you complete them. Morrie is one such book. Every page of this book makes you look at oneself and think what is important in life.

2. Perfect People

 Perfect People is one mind blowing book. It starts as a sensitive topic and slowly moves towards an action packed thriller with an extra dimension. It really makes you understand- Be careful what you wish for!

3. The Secret

Rhonda Byrne's book had made life changing impact on me. This self- help book came at a time when I needed it the most.

4. Malgudi Days

 

The childhood memories associated with Malgudi, the imaginary town, somewhere in South India, are deeply embedded. The endings of these stories are equally special. The author never revealed what happened at the end and will leave it to the reader's imagination. I am sure everyone must have read these stories. Whoever has not, surely missed something valuable. Get a copy, right now.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 6- Five Foods

1. Maggi. The truth is first time I ate maggi (I was about 6-7 years old) and my first love affair started (with maggi, ofcourse)

2. Chocolate. This love has been mentioned in nine loves. Chocolates are divine for me and they always will be.

3. Pizza. For the sheer yumminess!

4. Pasta with white sauce. This one has a catch. It has to be cooked by my exclusive chef, Rishi.

5. Paranthas. The punjabi in me is still going strong ;)

© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 5- Six Places

This challenge is coming out as a revelation. Rishi read the last post and first thing he asked me after reading it was- 'Do you really want a row house?' There are certain desires that live in your heart and they come out only when you prod your own thoughts.

Today's post is one six places. Here goes the list:


1. Kashmir.For the simple fact, Agar Firdaus bar ru-e-zamin ast, Hami ast-o-hami ast.

2. Brazil. Because I want to see this

3. Seychelles. For the beaches, of course ;)

4. Sikkim. I have heard such beautiful things about Sikkim, so it is a must visit on the list.

5. Karavatti.

To see if such beauty really exists. Also for the scuba diving!

6. My Home :)

Need I say more? :)


© Written by Garima Mahajan

10 Day Challenge. Post 4- Seven Wants

Today's post is on seven wants. Till yesterday, I was thinking this one is going to be easy. Easier than ten secrets for sure. But imagine, now that I am writing the seven wants, I am as blank as I was while writing the secrets. In fact, I am remembering few secrets. I have saved those secrets for another post and after a lot of thinking, here goes my seven wants, in no particular order though:

1. My own row house. I absolutely love my present house (when your hard earned money goes into buying a house, why would you not love it ;)?). In fact, this is the first joint possession I had with Rishi so I cherish this home, but would like to have a row house of my own with a very big garden. 
2. Writing a book. May be, someday...
3. To travel the world. Well, who doesn't?
4. To be always happy and surrounded by people I love and people who love me. Again, who doesn't? 
5. A book reading machine. Now, that is going to be super fun. 
6. To meet M S Dhoni :) And to tell him that I have always supported him, even when the team was doing miserable!
7. Never be dependent on anyone for anything. I value my freedom the most. 

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Ten Day Challenge. Post 3- Eight Fears

The first post was on ten secrets, which by the way are no longer secrets. The second one was on nine loves, which was super fun. Writing these things are not that difficult though it makes you sit back and introspect your life. While you guys read this post and seven more in the next seven days, take this challenge. It's worth it and I am all ears!

Today is the third day of the 10 Day YOU Challenge and this post is on eight fears.

1. Losing a loved one. I faced this fear few months back. I am still not in a frame to write about it. Yes going through the incredible loss of a loved one did make me strong, still the fear is strongly embedded..so scary. You think of it and your world stops. It really stops. 
2. Losing all my money. Such profane thought, but isn't it practical? 
3. Rats. I am dead scared of rats. Period.
4. Losing my sanity. Sometimes my mind thinks so much that I wonder what if it explodes!
5. Writer's Block. What if I am not able to write and run out of words and ideas? Scary thought.
6. Being dependent on someone. Now who would like to be in that position?
7. Betrayed. Been there, felt that. Still not over that. Hence, the fear.
8. Death. I know many people are scared of death but I am terrified of it. I have a million dreams to fulfill and till that happens, I do not want to think of death :)  

Tomorrow- Seven wants. This one is going to be fun ;)

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Ten Day Challenge. Post 2- Nine Loves

This post is in continuation of the 10 day YOU challenge. Today's post is on 9 loves. But only 9?  I have so many. But here goes the first nine that come in my mind. (These are not in any particular order. You can not put hierarchy in love matters!)

1. Rishi

He is my world, my support. His presence make things fall into place and I am so glad to have him in my life. It's been the most amazing seven years of my life, with you in it!

2. Two sets of wonderful parents.

Just one word to describe this feeling- Blessed. 


3. Books

Yes I spend a lot on books but then you can't do much when your hobby becomes your love ;)

4. Chocolates

I sincerely wish I could eat chocolates without getting fat. I am happy, I eat chocolate to celebrate. I am sad, I eat chocolate to lift up the mood. I am angry, I eat chocolate to ensure I don't utter bitter words. Really.

5. Shuchi

By law, yes she is my sister (sis-in-law). But going by the love I have for her, she is my soul sister :)

6. Beaches

This picture was taken in Pattaya. There is a reason a beach vacation was chosen for my first trip after marriage. The reason has to be love (for beaches. Oh yesss, husband of course!).

7. Coffee

Anyone who knows me even faintly, would swear by my love for coffee. I like it strong, less milk and no sugar :) Ahhhh, the craving has just begun.

8. Rain

Everyone loves rain. I know. But I have a strong connection with rain. Everytime it rains, something in my life changes. It has always been like that. Enigmatic, I know but then, who doesn't like to dance in the rain?

9. Friends

It would call for a new post, may be a new blog to express my love for my friends. But you guys know it. Don't you?

Tomorrow's post would be on eight fears. I am counting!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Ten Day Challenge. Post 1- Ten Secrets

Alright. I am sorry for not writing regularly for a long time now. :(  I am not going to give any excuses (job, home, personal turbulence etc etc etc). I apologise.

So to amend the mistake, I shall be doing some 'true- blogging'. Not that, I have not done that before, but this is going to be 'revealing myself over the blog' posts. I am starting '10 day YOU challenge'.

Day 1: 10 SECRETS

Of all the tasks ahead for the next 10 days, this one is surely the toughest. Who the hell wants to disclose their secrets? That too, when the Thursday Challenge is over!

But nevertheless, here goes the list:

1. I had a secret crush on my mom's student. And this was when I was in fifth standard. I kinda blackmailed him too to treat me with Campa Cola :D (those were the days!!). The guy apparently turned out to be virtuous and gave me a piece of mind. Tch Tch, poor me :P
2. I can't stand jealousy. It is okay and natural to be possessive of people you love, but to not let them be themselves, all in the name of love, is pure jealousy. My freedom is utmost important to me.  
3. I am obsessed with cleanliness and get edgy when I see dirt and dust around me.
4. I am very disdainful of men who abuse their wives and think it is manly of them to do so. Any form of abuse- physical, verbal or mental is sickening to me.
5. I am secretly pleased when people tell me I look younger than my age. And every time, one tells me this, I run to tell this to Rishi. I am a bit immature that ways ;)
6. Breaking a promise is the worst thing that you can do to me. I value people and their words. If they don't keep up to their words, I can never be the same with them.
7. No matter how much I crib about the maintenance of long hair, I want to grow my hair long! 
8. I understand the difference between self- centered and selfishness. And selfish people piss me off, big time. 
9. I hate lotus stem. And that is the only food item that I can neither eat, nor cook.
10. I have murdered many people- mentally! 

Quite a task this is. Honestly, what was I thinking before taking this plunge? But now that, I am in water, let me swim a bit more :) And ofcourse, a promise is a promise, is a promise and must never be broken.

Tomorrow, nine loves :)

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Wordless Post Part 12

The comfort of your situation depends, which side of the window you are at!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

As you go away

I wrote this poem last month. Letting go is the toughest thing in life. I am still learning the art. 

As I let you go
I see an incomplete self in me.
As you take that final bow
I feel an insatiable me.


As you bid the final goodbye
I feel an emptiness in me
As you are not with me 
The world suddenly gets scary.


As you promise to never love me
I look for ways to live on
As I finally let you go
I am yet not free.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

On Birthdays

Birthdays are always special. Specially if they are your own! Even with age catching up, there always is some excitement about birthdays. Since childhood, my favourite day has been 12th April. No prizes for guessing the reason :) I was so much in love with my birthday that my parents, out of my exasperation to celebrate, or may be out of sheer love, celebrated 12th of every month. Each 12th of 12 months was my birthday till I crossed my teens. (Yes, I had a pampered childhood ;))


But what's different this year is the rainfall in April. In my 28 years of existence, I have never seen such downpour in April. I have a strange belief- every time it rains, something in my life changes. It's been raining off and on for past two days. May be this rain is a signal Universe is giving me to value the gift of life. May be it is convincing me the best present is the presence of the loved ones in my life. 


On that note, Happy Birthday to me. Rishi has planned a small trip. Updates will be posted soon!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

CROSSROADS

I know this is not that serious but I do believe in certain 'totkas', which my friends call superstition. One of these totkas is whether to take left or right turn from a major traffic intersection while going to office. This is the story of how I developed my 'totka'.

Running errands like most mornings, I was certain that I would get late for work. Just before reaching one of the biggest intersections in Delhi, I asked myself- which way: right or left? Both will lead me to office. Left is free turn but is congested. Right would have too many traffic signals on the way. Which one- one part of me was asking the alter one.

Rationally speaking, both the routes were the same distance apart. So the distance factor did not matter really. I slowed down the car and told myself- 'If the signal is green, go right. Else, left. I got back to my normal speed. As luck had it, the signal was red. I smiled, looked right and true to my promise (to myself), I turned left. And despite running late, I managed to reach on time. And thus came this 'totka'.

Now everyday, the traffic signal tells me which way to go- left or right. Superstition, I know but sometimes I let the Universe decide the right way for me.

The connotation of reaching office could be any 'crossroad' situation of life. The traffic light could be the Universe giving answers. May be! After all, life is really all a matter of choices :)

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Wordless Post Part 11

I know, I was in invisible mode from blogging for a long time. But like that Raj Kapoor song, Jeena yahaan marna yahaan. Iske siwa jaana kahaan'. 




Sometimes, the options are more confusing than the question itself!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

La-De-Da

'Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to' - Mark Twain. 

I can replace 'blushes' with 'gets embarrassed' after yesterday. Read below for 'one of the most hilarious but thank God it didn't happen to me' moments.

It all happened in one of the busiest malls in Delhi. Rishi and me decided yesterday to go out for lunch. While we were walking in the mall, I saw a man carrying his infant in his arms. It was an angelic sight. And then suddenly a ten rupee note fell from his hand.

'Ohhh, how would this uncle bend down holding the kid in his arm?', my over active mind asked its over enthusiastic other half. The latter one didn't even bother to answer (actions speak louder than words, no?) and almost like a reflex, I bent down to get that ten rupee note.

In any ideal situation, the uncle would have thanked me and I would have praised both parts of my mind. If only it was an ideal situation...

Apparently, just when I bent over to to get that note, Uncle's second son, who escaped my eyes (thanks to some angle he was standing) also bent down to get that note. The look on Uncle's face was as if  'you look well off and it is just ten rupee'.

I had no courage to explain my intention and I left.

Both parts of my mind sang 'Well, la-de-da!'

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Wordless Post Part 10

Confused?

Sometimes, you have to see the world through the eyes of a child. You would notice simple things you never bothered about before :)



© Written by Garima Mahajan

Moving On

Ever wondered where do all the emotions go when a relationship die? Or when you lose the precious person? Specially, in case of like- minded people who are kinda memory- keeper? 


An intelligent person once said' 'When you lose, don't lose the lesson'. Similarly, when you make the efforts to save something going astray, the emotions involved with it can also not go astray. Strangely, these emotions stay with us. They fester in the aura around us until we move on to something else. 


It is this 'moving on' business which is most critical and essential. So much effort you have put in to build something. Some time later, you have to put in to so much extra effort to 'move on' from that thing only! How sadistic and ironical can life get sometimes. Isn't it?


But this is the real challenge of your strength. The ultimate aim in life is to stay happier than before- with or without your emotions. Period. 


The world will never stop over your grief. Family and friends can help you for a while. But ultimately, it is your battle. You are the lone fighter. 


So, move on NOW. Do not dwell on what happened in the past. Let bygones be really bygones.


I am working on the same direction. Hope to see you around sometime soon on the 'moving on' road :)  

© Written by Garima Mahajan


Those who know me, know the cause of this post. Thank you, for all the love and support during the toughest period of my life. Thank you, for making me MOVE ON!

'Star'less-ed!

As I sit here and look at the 'star'less sky
I wonder, without U, 
How similar is my life!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Transparent or Translucent- Take your pick!

When it comes to facial expressions and feelings...I am absolutely transparent.

But this is something, I am not particularly fond of.

If I dislike somebody, I find it tough to be sweet to them. Yeah, I am sensible and civilized enough to behave well with them. But one can tell easily if I don't like a person. My smile won't reach my eyes. The communication would be there but the distance would be maintained, probably through my non- verbal communication.

People who know me well can tell if I am angry, sad, worried. People who do not know me well enough, also have an idea if something is wrong. There are all kinds of people you get to deal with in life and sometimes, it becomes very hard to pretend or even smile with people you dislike, specially narcissists and manipulative people. There are times when I feel my absolute feelings were not totally written on my face for the whole world to see!

Many times it create problems with friends. No matter how genuine my intentions are, sometimes being open and assertive about my expressions, has given me catastrophic reactions. On the other hand, or on the brighter side, people do treat me genuine and value me for being true.

Though, I wonder, what is it that makes some people so open about what they feel and yet others so good at hiding their emotions? Is it a trait that is inherited? Or can it be cultivated and learnt?

I guess, to each his own. Who am I to judge a person by the way he/ she reacts? There could be more than what meets the eye, after all.

And like what I have always believed, if you are happy, may it stay that way. If you are not, may be it is time to think!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Things that CAN NOT go wrong

Every once in a while, things go wrong. Like Murphy's law- Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Sometimes, so wrong that no matter what you do, how many efforts you put, it just can not be undone.

You put in your heart and soul in a relationship, thinking it is for keeps and it turns sour. You sweat out your calories in a gym and it just does not work. You worked more than extra for a project and your colleague takes away all the increment. You study all night for the most important examination and go blank the next morning.

It happens all the while, all the places.

And then, there are certain things that can never go wrong. They are pure magic. Enumerating them here:

1. An investment in property/ gold. No matter when you buy a property, it is always a good time to own your piece of land or jewellery. 
2. Rahat Fateh Ali Khan's voice. Let's just accept that his voice is magical. He turns any ordinary song awesome. Click here to listen one of his latest magics.
3. An unexpected phone call from a long lost friend. Doesn't it happen with you that you introspect the toughest part of your life and a random call from an old friend just makes you realise there is so much more in life that you are missing?!!?
4. Coming back home. No matter how weary the day is, coming back home is always a bliss.
5. Break from routine every three months. I know, there is scarcity of leave, urgency of work, completion of project, deadline approaching and all that. But, believe me, a small getaway will rejuvenate and recharge all your cells for the mechanical life almost all of us lead!

Now, next time when things go wrong, try to work on these things. And remember, 95% things we do, do go wrong. It is actually the 5 % that makes life livable.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

WHY?

The last word is not yet said
The last touch is yet not felt
The last song is yet song sung
The last bell is yet not rung

The last memory is yet to fade
The last dance is yet to be played
The last desire is yet unfulfilled
The last dream is yet to be lived

Why did you then leave?
Why was our story so brief?
Why did you walk away?
Could you not stay?

© Written by Garima Mahajan

All you need is love. Really?

'All you need is love'-  wrote Charles M. Schulz. 


May be he was right.


Or, may be not.

In these times of rocket high stress levels, zero work- life balance, the need for a caring partner does increase manifold. And just like any system, here also the demand for such loving, caring person is going up rapidly as the supply is diminishing. It is not that our capacity for love and caring has diminished.


Then what is going wrong and where in terms of care?


Trust is a big word and it is harder to find in our times. Emotional upheavals and break ups are as omnipresent as recession. A person with no respect for commitment is socially approved, with a disclaimer of 'No Strings Attached'. An abusive, or a cheating partner is YOURS and ONLY YOURS problem. That's about as much sympathy as you will get, that too, grudgingly. 


After the misadventures of heart, you ever feel like sharing your pain? Well, you will end up multiplying your pain by two!


Charles M. Schulz was right- Love is all you need. It indeed is a universal need but relationships are not for the faint- hearted ones!



© Written by Garima Mahajan

Lesson Learnt (The Hard Way)

Let me start by apologizing for not writing for some time. I was very unwell and was advised a week's bed rest. In fact, I am supposed to be resting even this time, but some love can not be kept in boundation even in sickness. Such is my love for writing!

So many times, we take ourselves and our presence so lightly and let the frivolous issues silently kill us. In this period of sickness, I learnt that the most trivial issues occupy the maximum space in our minds. I allowed non worthy people and issue reside in my mind, thereby neglecting what is most precious to me and my loved ones- my own health. And as expected, when the tough time came, the trivial people made the obvious exit.

I do not blame people for not being around when the need arose, I just am surprised at my own optimism. When you have to choose between your heart and mind, choose wisely. Sometimes, all rationals point towards the mind, but you act otherwise. It is only when you see the scare in the eyes of your loved ones, you realise you probably gave away so much that you have nothing left for yourself now!

I still can not get over the trauma that my loved ones went through, because, unknowingly, I allowed silent, frivolous, trivial, shallow thoughts eat me from inside.

But it's never too late to start again. I start from today.

Thank You to those who were around. You ensured that nothing else mattered.

Thank You to those who were not around. You ensured you don't matter, anyway.


Live wisely. You really have only one life to live.






© Written by Garima Mahajan