Wordless Post Part 13

After a long, long time, here is another Wordless Post. For hope, for death, and for rebirth.

उम्मीद का कोई रंग नहीं होता.. सब कुछ काला और सफ़ेद नहीं होता!!!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my Daughter. Part 4

Dearest Ridhiema

It's been a while I wrote a letter to you. To say that I was learning life lessons would be an irony. But such is the volatile nature of our lives. Thankfully, you have recovered well from the last time, when I wrote to you.
At times, I feel if I could shield you with all the heart break and pain of this world. But then I tell myself, I must not. You ought to learn your lessons. In life, you will fall and rise many times. Every rise and every fall will teach you something new. But they must not change our core. The highs and lows of life should not change you into a person you originally were not.
Here is another letter that I am compiling for you. And like every time, this time also, you have the right to pick up what you like, or toss it away. But, with deep hope, I write...

1. Take responsibility

Beta, it is very humane for people to blame others for their screw ups. A lot of people around you would be doing that, and you will see them doing well in life also. It would be tempting to get away from a mess by passing the buck to someone. But Beta, it is in these testing times that you have to stand up and prove the strength of your character. You will commit mistakes and blunders. But do not run away from them. Get up, dust yourself, and take onus of your actions. Do whatever it takes to fix the wrong that you have done. People who love you will not judge you. But if you won't take responsibilities of your mistakes and correct them, people who love you, will leave you. And Beta, that is the worst that can happen. Worse than any screw up.

2. Be practical. But have a heart

This is one lesson that I want you to learn at an early age. This is one lesson that many of us, emotional people, need to learn. This world is a beautiful place, but it has demons and evils as well. To survive successfully in this world, you have to be very very practical. The world will not move for your emotions. And you have to be very practical. Else you will find yourself lagging behind. But there is a key here. If you ever get into a situation, where you have to choose between being practical, thereby hurting someone versus lagging behind, thereby being true to your loved ones; always choose the latter one. Never break your loved ones' heart. Never. All the practicality of this world will not help you sleep at night, if you break your loved ones' heart.

3. It is always not you

What I mean by this is that sometimes people will act in a way that will hurt or make you feel insecure. You might feel rejected, under confident and totally disappointed and shattered. Your confidence will hit rock bottom and you might consider yourself responsible for the failure. People might make you feel responsible for everything that has gone wrong. But Beta when people act or react in this manner, it is almost certainly about something happening inside them, and not about you. 

I know this. I have felt this. Feelings can slice your heart, even when your mind knows otherwise. But Beta, may be, just may be, it will help if you remember that other people are struggling with their own demons. And they are only trying to make you feel bad, so that they can get away with their guilt. Beta, you must never do that. How you make others feel says a lot about your character. Neither get boggled down with what others say about you, not make anyone feel small. 

4. Only you can help yourself

No single person can be your everything. Be very careful about giving that power to any one person. There will be times when you will feel the emptiness in your heart and life. You will feel let down, and worse, that killer loneliness will be there no matter what. But filling it with other people or anything else, like food, alcohol, parties, night outs etc will give you a temporary relief and little distraction. But the emptiness, loneliness will stay in you. If you are not sure of yourself, nobody and nothing can help you. Help yourself. Raise yourself. Do not get dependent on one person or a particular habit/lifestyle to take you off from your loneliness. Fill your emptiness with your confidence. You will soon find that this beautiful world is your oyster.

5. Value everything

You must learn to value every experience life gives you. Value your family. Value your friends. Value your neighbours. Value your society. Value your country. Even value your enemies, for making you insecure and giving you the instinct to strive to be better. Value the stranger you meet on the road, so that kindness survives in this world. Value real things, so that money and marketing does not play with your mind and make you a robot. Value emotions, so that humanity survives. And most important, value yourself, so that even when your close ones try to disappoint you, your faith in yourself help you survive. 

This is all I could say. I hope when you will grow up, we will have the best conversations!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my daughter. Part 3

Dearest Ridhiema

As I write this, I see both of us going through a rough time. But from where I see it, this too shall pass. Yes, things do take time and we must give things time to settle. Sometimes, we see our emotions taking over the most sensible part of our life. But Beta, you got to give yourself some time. I learnt this from your father. Giving time to yourself to heal is the best thing you can do to yourself while healing. So, while both of us are healing, in different ways, I am writing some more life lessons for you to read when you grow up. And as always, I leave it up to you to take what makes sense to you, and leave the rest.

1) Suffering is not glamourous. 

Well, that is how it is shown in mythology, movies and books. As women, we are sometimes conditioned and expected to suffer. When you will grow up, you will find that as a culture, some people celebrate women suffering. It is an age old concept. This concept is prevalent even in our mythology. Like we worship Goddess Sita, who never questioned her husband Lord Rama. But we don't worship Draupadi, who stood up for herself. We do not name our daughters Draupadi. We name them Sita! But beta that is a regressive thought. Never fall for this flawed concept. There have been many examples where songs and poetries are written to romanticize pain. But the fact is that nobody likes suffering- man or woman. If you ever do that, you will suffer from the guilt of having more. Beta, I did that in life. It did me no good.       

2) Forgive

Forgiveness is a virtue that does not come easy. But it is one of those 'skill' that you need to possess. It will be your key to a better and free life. As human beings, it is natural to feel that if we forgive those who hurt us, they will go scot free. But that's is what you need to learn. Forgiving others will let 'you' go scot free. Forgiveness is the only key that will open the gates of your future. Else you will be a prisoner of your past. And as far as those who have hurt you, they will anyway do what they want to do in life!
If you won't forgive, people will stay in your mind and after some time, you would see that everyone has moved on (including those who have hurt you) and you are still a hostage of your own past.
Most importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for trusting the person who hurt you and for the mistakes you think you made that has put you in that place. You learn from your mistakes and tell yourself that at that time, you did what you knew. Now you know better, so you will do better.
Forgive everyone for everything.

3) The right man will see the right thing

Steve Maraboli had said this, 'At your absolute best, you will won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you 'll still be worth it to the right person.' 

If at any point Beta, your feelings are not reciprocated, cry your heart out. And move on. Never put a show to get his attention. We all have flaws and if you have been rejected because of any of your flaws, remember that the one rejects you because of your flaws always has his own. You are beautiful and the right man will see it. 

4) Don't let a hard lesson harden you

Our life is like a fairy tale, written by God. Really. It will have its tough moments, but it will also have its beautiful moments. It is natural to feel devastated when you are feeling down and out. But Beta, remember like you lived your fairy tale in happy times, in your hard times also live like a fairy. You might feel at some points that life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that time Beta, remember, that every fairy tale contains beauty and wonder, but it also contains some bad things. Every fairy tale has a jinn, a cruel king or queen, a monster, a giant and some sort of unhappiness. The key is to conquer this evil slowly.
To conquer these forces, you have to conquer the giant monster in your heart. The hardness in your heart is a giant monster that follows after every hard lesson. It has to be conquered. And then only Beta, you will be able to live your fairy tale.  

5) Always treasure yourself

 There is a lesson that I am still learning- Never give to the one who is not worthy. The unworthy will throw the diamonds, thinking it is coal. 

There is nothing wrong in being kind. You must show kindness to one and all. But while being kind, do not empty your reservoir. Because what defeats our kindness is when we start pouring ourselves to people who would not value our precious kindness. When someone disprespects you, and you still keep on giving, it is a kind of violence that you are subjecting yourself to. When you stay in a place where you are violated and are not treated well it will create pain in your heart, which will take a very very very long time to heal. That feeling of being unwanted, under confident, unworthy might not leave you for a long time. It might not leave you ever. So build boundaries and do not give your precious self to anyone who disrespects you. 

Beta, you and I, both are going through a transition in our lives. Yours is different from mine. Through these letters, I am giving you lessons that I learnt in life. But through you, I am also learning how to live, childlike!
Just to let you know, no matter how many places you travel to, how many mountains you move, how many oceans you swim; if you ever want to come back, you parents will always be home for you. And someday you will realize, like I am relaizing, that having a home and your loved ones,who care for you always is a blessing. 

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my daughter. Part 2

Dearest Ridhiema

You are one of the most beautiful gifts I have ever received. You are also one of my best learning experiences. From you, I have learnt that no matter how tough the situation is, true love is always unconditional. I am sharing some more experiences with you. And like before, this time also, you are not entitled to pick everything. I shall respect your choice, if you disagree with me.

1. Positivity helps

This world is mainly a beautiful place. But sometimes a few things make it harsh. God made his temple from love. Man made his temple from love.  Man made his temple from love. 

No matter what happens, don’t let negative people or thoughts take hold of you. The choice between being an optimist or a pessimist will remain right there in front of you. Choose with your heart but choose wisely!

2. Gender is only a thought

In this world, there are men and there are women. They are made up differently. And this is where the difference ends. Really. There is no difference beyond this. But when you will step out of the house, you will see that there is an ugly thing called 'discrimination on the basis of gender'. This means that men and women are supposed to live and act differently. You will see many instances that will disgust you the way women and men are treated differently. But beta, never buy that. These are made by age old philosophies that did not hold any merit at that time, nor at this time. See this, confront it, face it. But never accept it and make it your choice.

3. Grieve if you must

Beta, grief is a real thing. It is as real as life. You will face sadness and you will face happiness. Just the way, it is important to smile, it is equally important to grieve. Don't try to run away from grief. Grief is very private. It is your closest way of learning lessons life imparts you. It is okay to be sad. The world will ask you to hasten your grief and move on, because it likes happy, smiling faces. But you take your time. Take deep breaths and small steps while coming out of grief. Live the grief part, only then would you learn the lesson God was trying to teach you about life. It will help you go a long way. 

4. Trust the broken souls

We are all broken in parts. Some are broken apart, some in parts, some are healing and some have marks. But I have always believed that 'there is a crack in everything. That is how light passes through'. Trust people who show their broken parts. They are the ones who have the courage to show their imperfections and sadness. Perfection and complete happiness is only for social media, for facebooks and instagrams. Real people have real issues. Have empathy with people who are going through tough time. In personal relationships, it is all about dealing with the flawed parts. 

5. Do not get carried away

Beta, this one I speak from a lot of experience. Always build boundaries. Always. By building boundaries, you will create a surrounding to protect yourself, so that people will not take you for a ride. Set your standards, build your boundary and behave that way. I have seen in life that you will get what you continue to let be. 

You will always be very important to me. You have a piece of my heart and I want you to handle yourself with care. 

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my daughter

Dearest Ridhiema

I am writing these letters to you. You will read these when you will be a little older, little wiser to understand. These are my experiences that I want you to learn. But I leave it your judgement to agree or disagree. Beta, these letters are in public domain. I hope you won't mind that. 

1. Come out clean

This is a fact of life. We all mess up. All of us. Always. There is some mud clinging that we all have gone through at least once in our lives. But how you live your life post that will make you the person you might love or hate. It is this journey that will build your character. No matter what you have done and what you are, the moment you know it, just get up and do the clean up act. By clean up,, I mean telling the truth to yourself, why are you here and what brought you here. And finally, owing up and taking the first step out of it. Beta you might feel lost. You might feel you do not know where to go. But trust me, you take the first step and God will show you the second and third and fourth step. You will come out of it. You just need to take that first step. 

People will laugh at you in this process. Do not blame them. Do not even stop them. Do whatever it takes- to get up  and come out clean from that mess. If it involves more money- earn it, acquire a new talent- learn it. Just do whatever it takes and do not get stuck. Getting stuck might make you a bitter person. You might fall in the process. But every time you fall, stand up and come clean, This is how we find new happiness, better life and fulfilled dreams. Beta, at the end of it, it will be worth the hard work. 

2. Notice people's behaviour

Some times people change. Friends, lovers, colleagues, relatives. They do. Without any reason, they just do. Keep a tab on their behaviour. Nobody should mistreat you. Fights are okay in a relationship. Be honest and critical in your relationship but do not let anyone abuse you in any way- emotionally, mentally, physically. In case anyone does that, either they do not love you or are disgusting. Leave them in both the cases. You are too precious to be treated badly. 

3. Being broke is no fun

By the time you reach your late twenties or early thirties, and you still are broke financially, emotionally or mentally, there is something seriously wrong. If you can not get the basic amenities for yourself and/ or emotionally turbulent most of the times, it is not cool. It shows the unstability of your life. Go back then, learn the basics. You must learn to take care of yourself, financially and emotionally.  

3. Either people want you or do not want you 

I learnt it the hard way, after a lot of falls. This is the simplest fact of any relationship. People want you or not. You are worth a lot of love. And if anyone refuses, leave the person with your head high. Period.

4. Read. A lot

Beta the past is always written in words. When you read, you learn. And when you learn, you grow. If you do not want to read books, use internet. But read something every day. When you will read, you will learn that you are never alone who is going through a particular situation.

5. Life shows up. Stay positive

This is the beauty of life. If you stay positive, life will show up. You stay strong and life will treat you with the right thing at the right time. If anything is troubling you, take note, get up and work it out. People will guide you. Some will misguide you. Use your judgement and remember, you will have to do the work. Do it beta. Face it. Life will positively reward you. The world is all yours. 

This is for now. I will write to you again when I will have more stories, more conversations, more experiences and more perspective.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Life lessons Ridhiema taught me

They (legends and experienced people) say child is the father of man. I so agree to this. I have learnt so many things from Ridhiema. Patience to start from. Okay, I still have not reached the optimum levels of being called a 'patient' individual, still those who know me would swear that I have come a long way :P

Apart from that, there are a lot of things that I have learnt with Ridhiema. Here goes the learnings:

• When you want something, make a lot of noise. 

Well, it does work. Really. Always. Like if Ridhiema wants me to play with her and I tell her I am tired. She will keep on asking for what she wants till she gets it. So it is like this, if you want something let the world know that and keep asking. In all likelihood, you will get it. 

• Forgive and move on.

Such a big lesson. Such a small child! I scold her sometimes, out of my frustation, tiredness or other reasons. I feel bad after doing that and feel Ridhiema would hold a grudge against me. But such is her big heart that she forgives me and gets on to things that amuse her. Shortly she comes to me asking me to hold her, as if she has understood that if I scolded her it was for a reason. She teaches me not to carry negativity and move on in life.

• Life is a mess (most of the times). But don't panic

This is a standard thing in our house. Be it her eating, bathing, playing, there has to be a mess. She is so cool after the mess, as if in her way she tells me, 'Mom, it happens!'. Well yes darling, mess happens in life and you got to be cool to clear it.

• Love with all your heart. Unconditionally.

This is a very big thing. We all know this, but as adults, we knowingly sometimes unknowingly, manipulate emotions, expect a lot in return of our emotions, judge as per our convenience. But a child never does that. She loves with all that she has with all your flaws and shortcomings. No matter how rosy or gloomy life is for her, she comes back to you.

• Don't hesitate to show that sparkly smile.

We (mature people) are very choosy when it comes to showing our emotions. How we smile, how much we smile, to show/ not to show emotions in front of someone/ not in front of someone. But Ridhiema teaches me to always smile when you want to smile. To cry when you want to cry. People won't judge you for doing that. Those who do, can go and take a walk in the nearest park!

Thank you Ridhiema. I have a lot to learn from you :))

© Written by Garima Mahajan

For the love of 'her'

When I was in my early twenties, life was really carefree. I had friends, and boyfriend, and a job, and a loving family. I had friends and cousins getting married and having babies. Though it was a sweet thing to see, having my own baby was not still on the agenda. I was not confident holding a baby, forget raising one! 

So when I had my own last year, the scepticism of holding and raising 'her' faded as if it was never there. I never imagined how much having a child would change my life and perspective towards people and things. I have quit my job of ten years and I am taking care of 'her' fulltime. Well, leaving job was mainly because of personal reasons (that I leave for another post). Anyhow, regardless of many ups and downs and still not near stability, last one year has been very satisfying when I look at 'her'.

Being a mom, a good mom (I dread as I write this), takes a lot of hard work. Any fertile girl/woman of child bearing age has a chance of bringing a baby into this world. But motherhood is difficult. It is the most difficult task I have ever tried in my life. There are days when I whine, snap, complain and crib about a lot of things and even need a shoulder to cry on, but in the end, when I look at 'her', it is all just worth it :)

PS: We call 'her' Ridhiema 

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Subtractions from life

Life sometimes do act funny. Everytime you feel have reached at a stability juncture, life surprises you.

After Ridhiema was born, there were a lot of changes happened in my life. I took a long time to adjust to it. I was on a six month maternity leave and in those six months, I had prepared myself for the challenges that I would be facing as a working mother. Before joining back, I was physically, mentally, socially and emotionally prepared for the life ahead. And banggggg... Life is not what you plan. Ridhiema was a trained child. Not anymore, after I joined back office. She threw tantrums in eating, sleeping, bathing, being
with grandparents, baby sitters, neighbours etc. Everyday, I rushed from office to home thinking the child would be in distress.

I guess all parents, specially the new ones, go through this turmoil. It took some time but slowly she started getting adjusted to her mother away from her for some time. Things had started getting better and it looked like the worst is over.

Then came another banggggggg. This time the surprise was a professional one. The company where I served for a decade started having doubts over my seriousness towards work. Wonder why don't we have good working attitude towards working mothers. Somehow the matter got escalated and I decided to put in my papers. It was an emotional disturbing moment. But I felt better after calling it quit at a place where I was doubted over my integrity and seriousness towards my work.

I deleted myself from that place. I decided to give this time to my family and have got back to writing, something that I truly enjoy. Something that was left somewhere in the daily mundane activities of life. Hopefully, I would be able to channelise myself better now :))

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Additions in life

As mentioned in the last post, there indeed have been certain additions and subtractions in my life. And I would really like to tell about those. 

So, here comes the biggest (and the best) addition:

Yes, you guessed it right. She arrived on 14th May, 2014. 

We call her Ridhiema. It means full of love.

I have dreamt a lot for her. But I would leave all her choices to her wisdom and intelligence. As of today, I will nurture and make her a good human being.   



 © Written by Garima Mahajan

Writing & Me

 

This is for all of you who were thinking (may be disturbed) about my disappearance from this place. Well, sorry is the only thing I can say right now. Excuse is not my cup of tea (or coffee for that matter).

Why I am writing this post

1. Because writing is therapeutical for me. I have left something close to my heart (I will tell about it, in another post) and there is so much going on in my mind which needs to be expressed. Writing makes me calmer and a better person.
2. Creative satisfaction is a big thing. I kind of lost it somewhere in daily mundane activities. Now I really really want to write, for myself and for all of those who want to read me.
3. Writing is a window that opens up to the world for me. I want to know people by writing about people.
4. Writing makes me more disciplined person. So much we crib about the lack of time. But trust me, if you want to do something, you will always find time for it. Even if it means writing at 2 AM, because that’s the time when you get a thought to write about it. P.S: This one I speak from experience! ;)

A lot has changed in my life. There have been additions and subtractions from life.
More updates and stories coming soon!
(That’s how they tease in news naa ;))

© Written by Garima Mahajan