Wordless Post Part 13

After a long, long time, here is another Wordless Post. For hope, for death, and for rebirth.

उम्मीद का कोई रंग नहीं होता.. सब कुछ काला और सफ़ेद नहीं होता!!!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my Daughter. Part 4

Dearest Ridhiema

It's been a while I wrote a letter to you. To say that I was learning life lessons would be an irony. But such is the volatile nature of our lives. Thankfully, you have recovered well from the last time, when I wrote to you.
At times, I feel if I could shield you with all the heart break and pain of this world. But then I tell myself, I must not. You ought to learn your lessons. In life, you will fall and rise many times. Every rise and every fall will teach you something new. But they must not change our core. The highs and lows of life should not change you into a person you originally were not.
Here is another letter that I am compiling for you. And like every time, this time also, you have the right to pick up what you like, or toss it away. But, with deep hope, I write...

1. Take responsibility

Beta, it is very humane for people to blame others for their screw ups. A lot of people around you would be doing that, and you will see them doing well in life also. It would be tempting to get away from a mess by passing the buck to someone. But Beta, it is in these testing times that you have to stand up and prove the strength of your character. You will commit mistakes and blunders. But do not run away from them. Get up, dust yourself, and take onus of your actions. Do whatever it takes to fix the wrong that you have done. People who love you will not judge you. But if you won't take responsibilities of your mistakes and correct them, people who love you, will leave you. And Beta, that is the worst that can happen. Worse than any screw up.

2. Be practical. But have a heart

This is one lesson that I want you to learn at an early age. This is one lesson that many of us, emotional people, need to learn. This world is a beautiful place, but it has demons and evils as well. To survive successfully in this world, you have to be very very practical. The world will not move for your emotions. And you have to be very practical. Else you will find yourself lagging behind. But there is a key here. If you ever get into a situation, where you have to choose between being practical, thereby hurting someone versus lagging behind, thereby being true to your loved ones; always choose the latter one. Never break your loved ones' heart. Never. All the practicality of this world will not help you sleep at night, if you break your loved ones' heart.

3. It is always not you

What I mean by this is that sometimes people will act in a way that will hurt or make you feel insecure. You might feel rejected, under confident and totally disappointed and shattered. Your confidence will hit rock bottom and you might consider yourself responsible for the failure. People might make you feel responsible for everything that has gone wrong. But Beta when people act or react in this manner, it is almost certainly about something happening inside them, and not about you. 

I know this. I have felt this. Feelings can slice your heart, even when your mind knows otherwise. But Beta, may be, just may be, it will help if you remember that other people are struggling with their own demons. And they are only trying to make you feel bad, so that they can get away with their guilt. Beta, you must never do that. How you make others feel says a lot about your character. Neither get boggled down with what others say about you, not make anyone feel small. 

4. Only you can help yourself

No single person can be your everything. Be very careful about giving that power to any one person. There will be times when you will feel the emptiness in your heart and life. You will feel let down, and worse, that killer loneliness will be there no matter what. But filling it with other people or anything else, like food, alcohol, parties, night outs etc will give you a temporary relief and little distraction. But the emptiness, loneliness will stay in you. If you are not sure of yourself, nobody and nothing can help you. Help yourself. Raise yourself. Do not get dependent on one person or a particular habit/lifestyle to take you off from your loneliness. Fill your emptiness with your confidence. You will soon find that this beautiful world is your oyster.

5. Value everything

You must learn to value every experience life gives you. Value your family. Value your friends. Value your neighbours. Value your society. Value your country. Even value your enemies, for making you insecure and giving you the instinct to strive to be better. Value the stranger you meet on the road, so that kindness survives in this world. Value real things, so that money and marketing does not play with your mind and make you a robot. Value emotions, so that humanity survives. And most important, value yourself, so that even when your close ones try to disappoint you, your faith in yourself help you survive. 

This is all I could say. I hope when you will grow up, we will have the best conversations!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Letters to my daughter. Part 3

Dearest Ridhiema

As I write this, I see both of us going through a rough time. But from where I see it, this too shall pass. Yes, things do take time and we must give things time to settle. Sometimes, we see our emotions taking over the most sensible part of our life. But Beta, you got to give yourself some time. I learnt this from your father. Giving time to yourself to heal is the best thing you can do to yourself while healing. So, while both of us are healing, in different ways, I am writing some more life lessons for you to read when you grow up. And as always, I leave it up to you to take what makes sense to you, and leave the rest.

1) Suffering is not glamourous. 

Well, that is how it is shown in mythology, movies and books. As women, we are sometimes conditioned and expected to suffer. When you will grow up, you will find that as a culture, some people celebrate women suffering. It is an age old concept. This concept is prevalent even in our mythology. Like we worship Goddess Sita, who never questioned her husband Lord Rama. But we don't worship Draupadi, who stood up for herself. We do not name our daughters Draupadi. We name them Sita! But beta that is a regressive thought. Never fall for this flawed concept. There have been many examples where songs and poetries are written to romanticize pain. But the fact is that nobody likes suffering- man or woman. If you ever do that, you will suffer from the guilt of having more. Beta, I did that in life. It did me no good.       

2) Forgive

Forgiveness is a virtue that does not come easy. But it is one of those 'skill' that you need to possess. It will be your key to a better and free life. As human beings, it is natural to feel that if we forgive those who hurt us, they will go scot free. But that's is what you need to learn. Forgiving others will let 'you' go scot free. Forgiveness is the only key that will open the gates of your future. Else you will be a prisoner of your past. And as far as those who have hurt you, they will anyway do what they want to do in life!
If you won't forgive, people will stay in your mind and after some time, you would see that everyone has moved on (including those who have hurt you) and you are still a hostage of your own past.
Most importantly, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for trusting the person who hurt you and for the mistakes you think you made that has put you in that place. You learn from your mistakes and tell yourself that at that time, you did what you knew. Now you know better, so you will do better.
Forgive everyone for everything.

3) The right man will see the right thing

Steve Maraboli had said this, 'At your absolute best, you will won't be good enough for the wrong person. At your worst, you 'll still be worth it to the right person.' 

If at any point Beta, your feelings are not reciprocated, cry your heart out. And move on. Never put a show to get his attention. We all have flaws and if you have been rejected because of any of your flaws, remember that the one rejects you because of your flaws always has his own. You are beautiful and the right man will see it. 

4) Don't let a hard lesson harden you

Our life is like a fairy tale, written by God. Really. It will have its tough moments, but it will also have its beautiful moments. It is natural to feel devastated when you are feeling down and out. But Beta, remember like you lived your fairy tale in happy times, in your hard times also live like a fairy. You might feel at some points that life is too hard to be a fairy tale. At that time Beta, remember, that every fairy tale contains beauty and wonder, but it also contains some bad things. Every fairy tale has a jinn, a cruel king or queen, a monster, a giant and some sort of unhappiness. The key is to conquer this evil slowly.
To conquer these forces, you have to conquer the giant monster in your heart. The hardness in your heart is a giant monster that follows after every hard lesson. It has to be conquered. And then only Beta, you will be able to live your fairy tale.  

5) Always treasure yourself

 There is a lesson that I am still learning- Never give to the one who is not worthy. The unworthy will throw the diamonds, thinking it is coal. 

There is nothing wrong in being kind. You must show kindness to one and all. But while being kind, do not empty your reservoir. Because what defeats our kindness is when we start pouring ourselves to people who would not value our precious kindness. When someone disprespects you, and you still keep on giving, it is a kind of violence that you are subjecting yourself to. When you stay in a place where you are violated and are not treated well it will create pain in your heart, which will take a very very very long time to heal. That feeling of being unwanted, under confident, unworthy might not leave you for a long time. It might not leave you ever. So build boundaries and do not give your precious self to anyone who disrespects you. 

Beta, you and I, both are going through a transition in our lives. Yours is different from mine. Through these letters, I am giving you lessons that I learnt in life. But through you, I am also learning how to live, childlike!
Just to let you know, no matter how many places you travel to, how many mountains you move, how many oceans you swim; if you ever want to come back, you parents will always be home for you. And someday you will realize, like I am relaizing, that having a home and your loved ones,who care for you always is a blessing. 

© Written by Garima Mahajan