Have you ever tried to measure 'parenting perfectionism'? Yes, there is a term like that. I also did not know about it until I read this. It did strike me because I have encountered more than one instances of parenting perfectionism.
I remember the initial frightening moments when the doctors gave me Ridhiema. I really did not know how to even hold her. Forget nursing her, changing diapers, making her sleep, understanding the difference between her wails. There were times when even parental support and google could not help.
I used to fret over every issue- giving formula milk, how to make her sleep, massaging her. I got panic heart once when I forgot to cut her nails! Just one very 'fine' day, I realised all this is taking a toll on me. I googled my symptoms (not Ridhiema's, for a change!) and that's when I came across the term- Parenting Perfectionism- holding oneself to impossibly high standards for parenting, to the extent believing that others hold you to impossibly high standards for parenting.
In my limited understanding of parenting and relationships, I have seen that the quest to be a perfect parent actually harms normal parenting. Parents who try to be perfect always end up showing less confidence in their roles as parents as compared to parents who accept their shortcomings and try to work things accordingly. How ironical is that while striving to be 'perfect parents', parents forget to become 'actual parents'. Worrying about what other parents' think of how they are as parents actually make their life more stressful and less enjoyable.
So fret not. Don't worry about little problems. Remember that it is the larger picture that is important. Also parents who post a lot of updates about their children on social media may not represent ideal parenting. What you see on social media is always not true. Even if it is true, it might not be complete.
Embrace your imperfection. While we must strive for perfection, we must remember that it is the excellency, and not perfectionism that makes strong, smarter and happy children. The best you can do to yourself and to child is actually the acceptance of imperfection.
So fret not. Don't worry about little problems. Remember that it is the larger picture that is important. Also parents who post a lot of updates about their children on social media may not represent ideal parenting. What you see on social media is always not true. Even if it is true, it might not be complete.
Embrace your imperfection. While we must strive for perfection, we must remember that it is the excellency, and not perfectionism that makes strong, smarter and happy children. The best you can do to yourself and to child is actually the acceptance of imperfection.
© Written by Garima Mahajan
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