When you will forget

So much hurt inside the heart

So much pain that now I am numb
So many tears shed
So much so, that nothing is left.

What is truth, I ask myself
Is it a fact or the feeling
Is it a dream to make everyone happy
Or is it a thought of caring.

So much anger, so much confusion
Simple you call it, but not are some action
Agreed nothing left to recollect
But tomorrow you shall forget

Tomorrow when the sun will shine
When the rains will fall
Tomorrow when you will forget
I will pray that you soon forget......


© Garima Mahajan

Positivity or negativity- it is all about giving

This year's Bhai Dooj was very special. One, because my brother had come from Bangalore and two, it was my cousin's first Diwali and Bhai Dooj after marriage. His parents, one of the most lovable people I have known had planned a hawan on Bhai Dooj.

The Pandit Ji (I fondly call him Shastri Uncle) is an old family friend whose daughter, Priyanka was my life's first friend. I have always been fond of Shastri Uncle's teachings, specially the way he conducts the hawan, explaining each action that we perform. A very interesting thing he said was- whatever you have; give it, donate it. It doesn't matter if it is good or bad. What matters is that you donate it. This is because, if you give positivity, it will come back to you in some form or the other.

And by any chance, if you are negative by nature, give your negativity only. At least you will get rid of one unwanted thing from your life. Like for example if you think bad for someone, it is because bad is all that you have in mind.

Apologies for being blunt and rude but it is very simple. We all claim to be nice, positive and giving people by nature. But the litmus test of our nature is knowing what we give to people. We can give only that thing which we have- either positivity or negativity.

Sometimes, life's events in a very simple way teaches us a lot.  A small hawan taught me WHAT I GIVE IS WHAT I HAVE.


© Written by Garima Mahajan

Sometimes..just leave it :)

Sometimes you do all that you can to save something you treasure. Possibly everything that you would not have done under any situation. You reasoned, cajoled, argued, fought, cried but nothing seems to go your way.

Everything you say or everything you do is going against you.

You know the other person is wrong. But everything you are doing to save it from failing, is damaging it further. Things are just refusing to change.

What do you do in times like these?

You let it go. You accept that anything you say or do will not make any difference for now.

It happens a lot with me. I can say this (thanks to my experiences in life) that when I try to make things work, they just don't. The best I can do (also the most difficult part) at that time is to stop trying. It takes a lot of patience (which I lack), understanding (which is a two-way process, and hence is not easy to find), maturity (which is a relative term) to understand things and leave them the way they are.

Once you are ready to leave things which are not changing, you are set to accept the reality. The first day is the most difficult one, but slowly you start coming to terms with life. Slowly you start being at peace with yourself. Slowly you begin experiencing that it was just not meant to be. And whatever is meant to be is happening and will happen.

This by no means is saying that don't reach out for your dreams. It just means that  you are tired of fighting for something, your patience has given up and you decided to take it easy for a while.  

People who don't understand and walk away from you at that time are not worth your affection. And people who understand your situation and stay on with your are your true treasures. By all means, thank them and hold them tight in your life. They will never leave you!

With time you realise that sometimes, the best way to deal with life's problems is to just leave them the way they are.
 

Until you find peace with yourself, remember what  Albert Schweitzer said once, "Eventually all things fall into place. Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments, and know EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON".

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Diwali Drive

It's that time of the year again. Diwali is just two days away. Shopping, preparations, gifts, decorations all are sneaking in my already packed schedule. But what takes away the cake is the cleaning of the house. Since childhood, we have been told to clean our houses during Diwali. If we won't do it then Goddess Lakshmi won't come to our house.

For a cleanliness maniac like me, this logic is absurd. It is like you keep your house untidy for 364 day and on that one day, which happens to be Diwali, your house is neat and clean. I wonder, will Goddess Lakshmi won't get confused seeing your clean house considering she has been seeing the untidy house for the past one year?

Anyways, like all dutiful, God fearing people, Rishi and me started on house cleaning mission. When the maid came in the morning, she was asked to come in the afternoon as we had to clean the house for Diwali. She gave a smile which said, 'Yeah..I know. Everyone has been doing the same!'

The cleanliness drive began at 9 AM after the morning tea session. I clean my house daily, but little did I know that the Diwali dusting will bring surprises in the form of dust and dust allergy. We survived the hunger pangs, dirt on our faces, irritation and few fights also. Finally after four hours of marathon cleaning, we were done with the cleaning business.

And now our house is shining like a brand new jewellery ;) All that is left now is decorations, but that can wait till evening which will be followed by shopping and gifting. (I just love the festival season)

Now I guess, we are ready to welcome Goddess Lakshmi in our house :) When I look around and see the clean house, very greedily I wish her blessings are proportionate to the cleanliness in the house. Sometimes, your efforts defy your own  logics (You know what I mean when I say this).



© Written by Garima Mahajan

Candles

I feel most of the relationships are like candle. They keep burning until a strong flow of breeze extinguishes the fire. Or until the wax lasts. What to do if you want to save the candle? What to do if you want to save the relationship?

You have to protect it from the strong wind. You have to light another one, before this one goes out, so it can be replaced while the melted wax is still hot. If you fail to do that, you have to start from the beginning, all over again.

In that case, like the melting candle, relationship also dies. 

Life is also like that. Enjoy the warmth it gives out and make the most of it, while it lasts. 

I do. And I really want you to do it too :)

© Written by Garima Mahajan

All I want

When I see mountains

And get scared of heights

All I want you is to push me for the heights

When I fight with you 

And say that I don't love you

All I want you is to tell me 'I still love you'

When I am stressed out

And ask you to leave me alone

All I want you is to be around 

When I cry for little things

And you ask what happened

All I want you to say is 'I understand'

When you are not around

And are occupied

All I want you is to focus and come back where your heart lies

Perhaps the weather is not so cold

It is only the coldness of words

All I want is actions to undo the words.

©Garima Mahajan

Loving someone

Can you insulate yourself from getting hurt when you open your heart to somebody and admit that you love them? No, you can't :) (It is not only romantic love that I am talking here. It could be in any form- friend, sibling, partner, neighbour or any any other relation)
When you love someone, you trust the person you love. It is like you want them to know that "I trust you completely and fully. I want you to be around when things are rough for me. I expect you to hold my hand and be there for me. Please do not let me down." It is like opening up your most vulnerable self to them, giving them the power to destroy you, but knowing that they will not.
Sometimes unfortunately the ones we love do not react the way we expect them to. In these times, we feel deeply hurt. We feel abandoned, upset, lost, let down.
Most spiritual gurus advise us to practise detachment when it comes to love. They tell us not to have any expectations in matters of heart. But to follow that you got to have a heart of Mother Teresa or Osho. I guess it is only human to expect people to be around, to expect them to reciprocate your feelings, to expect a thousand little things from the ones you love.
But then, if love causes so much pain, so much hurt, why love at all? Is it not better to live a life detached from everyone, a life with a tight barbed fence around your heart, so that you do not let anyone enter your heart and your life and henceforth do not hurt you?
On retrospection the answer is clear. The joy love fuels in your life, the hope that it brings, the feeling it reinforces that you can do anything, the excitement and the heights you reach when your loved ones push you on, is surely incomparable to any other feeling in the world.
For a few seconds, leave aside everything and think of someone you love. The very thought brings joy, happiness, pure excitement. The feeling is eternal. So fresh. So strong.
One can not escape from this feeling. Everyone succumbs to it, at some point or the other. It is very human to do so.
When you love someone, you give control of a part of your life to them. You hand over the reins of your life to them. And you hope like hell, they will not let go.


© Written by Garima Mahajan

Name Story

What's in a name? First thing that comes to your mind is "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet" - a quotation from William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet, meant to say the names of things do not matter, only thing that matters is what things are. Correct? "No", is what I say. I have a very old story to share. 
I was in my 12th standard. My mother was transferred to Devlali, a small town near Nasik in Maharastra. My father and brother were in Mumbai as Dad had his job there and Aditya was doing his engineering from there. I have always been close to Mom. So I went with her to Devlali. 
We were staying in staff quarters. Ours was the first and the biggest quarter in the colony. Probably Mom being the Principal had something to do with it ;) It was the first time I was away from Dad and Adi. I guess, Mom was also going through the same sentiments. I used to remain upset there because I was away from half of my family and almost full circle of my friends. I met a nice girl in the colony, Tanushree. She read my mind somehow and decided to be a good samaritan. 
One evening she asked me to join her for a walk. I reluctantly agreed. She started talking about Maya, our colony's maid. I was seriously not interested. I was asking myself- what were you thinking before coming here? "Maya asked me today, tumhein Raajma kaisi lagti hai?", Tanushree was telling me. I was bored to death with this inane story. Tanushree continued, " I told Maya: Raajma toh achche hote hai. Main aksar khaati hoon..chawal ke saath. 
Maya: Arre woh nahin..woh joh abhi aayi hai naa..Principal Madam ki beti...Raajma..woh kaisi lagti hai aapko?"
Maya, apparently  was slightly hard of hearing. She asked my name once and I told her conveniently "Garima". She made a strange face. When I asked her what is the problem, she smiled and plainly answered, "Kuch nahin". I ignored her smile at that time. 
Tanushree looked at me for exact 3 seconds. At the 4th second, I was laughing my lungs out. Next morning, I met Maya and loudly and clearly told her, "Mera naam Garima hai, Raajma nahin." In my mind, I also told her, "Raajma is not even a name!"
Thank you Tanushree and a bigger thank you to Maya for bringing the smile back to a lonely 17 year old girl who lost all reasons to be happy in a new and different place. 
Life always give you reasons to smile. Sometimes we ignore them, sometimes we can not ignore them :)  


© Written by Garima Mahajan

THE END

These watery drops of rain
depicts the epic
of a heart in pain.


Daubed the smile 
in the golden enamel
with vivacity, but in vain.


Perturbed by the fussy part
but dainty as a dew drop
waiting for the end with a restraint


Painful still end will happen
like rust ruin metal

and dust demolish men.


©Garima Mahajan




Just found a poem written by me long time back. Don't really remember why I wrote it but it matches my current mood. When you let someone enter your life, the person becomes a part of you. You can kill the relationship, but can not delete it. All the memories can not be killed. 
When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means. There is a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard. 

Age and Age Miracles

These days television advertisements are bombarded showing middle aged women applying cosmetic creams and getting the desired attention from their husbands and the society. There are night creams and then there are day creams. Sometimes I wonder if I apply the night cream in the day, will it work? 30 plus women use products on their face and hair that makes them look younger and giving them a high which probably all Indian men get when India beat Pakistan in a cricket match. Here India is their youthful beauty and Pakistan is age catching up.

In my case, it is slightly twisted. People still ask me which class am I studying. I make a straight face and say Thanks if that was a compliment. But I am married for three years now. 'Oh my God', is their usual reaction. Very frankly, it does not make me feel any good. I am married for a long time now and have been dutifully doing all the chores that a working wife is supposed to. All that I expect is people not to say, 'Oh, you still look like a child. Did you have an early marriage?/ Did you have a child marriage?' No, I did not. I got married when I felt was the right time. And yes, I was not under age by any standard.

So if you look your age when you reach your 30s or 40s it should not bother you. Getting into a younger skin by botox or other surgical procedures is something you should not get into. They really are not worth it. In any case, external beauty like youth is only fleeting. Age is going to catch up with all of us. One cannot stay young forever. But what one can do is to put up a big smile and enjoy life as it unfolds. The cherished moments spent with loved ones, the happiness and smiles that come by living life on your terms, the satisfaction that you are aging gracefully and wisely is unmatched to any cosmetic beauty.

© Written by Garima Mahajan

No is always not negative

Is NO a negative word? Sometimes it really is not. I personally know of people who are so giving by nature that it is hard for them to say no to anything. Let it be work, family or relationships they always end up giving. But human beings that they are, they can't run away from the feeling of expectations. When you give someone, it is natural to expect something back also. When you give a lot, more than may be what the other person even deserves it is quite obvious that you are draining yourself of all the precious emotions, efforts and time. Those emotions, efforts and time sometimes (or may I say most of the times) are not reciprocated. This is where the problem arise. You end up giving so much that your own stock of precious things is empty!
Sometimes it is the fear of rejection or the high of likability by all that makes it difficult to say a No. Sometimes you love someone so much that you can not say them No. You fear that your No will take them away from you or it might stop them from liking you. This has happened to even the most strong, confident and smart people I know.
Whoever has to walk off your life, will eventually walk off. You can not possibly tie them. It is the path they choose, to walk off. It is their wish. You can only wish to get out of the hurt. If only you could have said No when it was not possible to give, you would have probably been in less pain.
Learn to say No. There are things you can do and there are things you can't. Whoever walks off when you say No, surely do not deserve you. The best you can do then is is to let them go and forget them.
And the ones that have stayed on, when you told them you possibly can't do what they expect of you but you still care, are the most awesome ones :) Do NOT forget to tell them that!

© Written by Garima Mahajan

Here is to life!

People say 'forgive and forget'. I somehow do not agree. I think forgiving and forgetting are so intricately connected. They are almost inseparable. I can forgive people who have hurt me, for my heart says its human to make mistakes. No point holding the grudges. But how can anyone forget the hurt. I can understand time is a big healer and after a while, even the pain goes.
Still you are aware how the pain felt at that time. The hurt is so much, it is almost physical. You thought you buried it. But it still resides somewhere. You can not forget the hurt and the numbness your heart and mind went through. It truly is difficult to move on. But that is the beauty of life that when you get comfortable with life, it gives you its best or may be in some cases, worst surprises.
With my experience, I can say with conviction that we make mistakes. We are here to make mistakes and learn from them. We are learning from life's lessons, no matter how hard it seems at that time.
Forgive those who have hurt you. It seems tough. But that by itself is also a lesson that life teaches you, may be the greatest lesson.
Move on..for that is also a lesson, if you think deeply.
Be nice to people who matter and also to those who don't.
Appreciate the good things that happen, for everything that happen, happens for a reason (we don't understand the reason, sometimes)
Smile a lot, even if it calls for an effort initially. With time, the smile will come effortlessly.
Most importantly, do not stop LIVING and LOVING. We live only once. LIVE..LOVE!

© Written by Garima Mahajan